If you’ve been reading recent entries, then you know that my furry family members figure largely in my life & in heart. As I reflect on those I’ve lost in the past year–especially my two closest furry family members, Maximus & Wampa–it’s tough to accept that only a year ago both were in my laps & giving me lots of love. How can life change so swiftly? My head keeps up, but my heart stumbles along the path & finds the terrain difficult to navigate. Perhaps this is why I try to intellectualize most things & avoid connecting to my feelings. Lately, I can’t contain or compartmentalize those emotions as deftly as I typically can during downtime. Feelings rise to the surface & fill my eyes, & before I know it I’m there in that quagmire that I so detest. Those feelings unsettle me. I don’t like feeling sad or connecting to the absence of someone I love. But part of this journey of self-disruption has been stopping my patterns of numbing myself to life.

Thus, here I celebrate my furry family members, those I’ve lost & those I’ll eventually lose but can & do enjoy now.

In the above pictures, you can see how Max became pretty possessive of me. He let everyone know he was the alpha among the furry ones & that my lap belonged to him. He’d drive off Wampa, who had like 100 pounds of muscle on him, quite easily & with confidence. I found it amusing that Max, a gentle loving cat in all ways, could become so territorial when it came to me. He’d even get jealous when people would hug me. Wampa struggled with that as well. As a puppy, if Wampa saw someone sitting with me or hugging me, he’d come over and nudge his way in, doing everything he could to take over. As you can imagine, that meant that he and Max would have some disagreements, resulting mainly in some hisses & Wampa’s sudden retreat.

Moving from the farm with a pup & three cats to one cat with an eventual second has translated into some pretty big family shifts. Thankfully, Mardigan accepted Montoya (Monty) swiftly, so that dynamic has been way more successful than previous attempts at inter-pet relationships.

Monty will actually groom Mardigan, & Mardigan allows it, even encourages it. He also likes to instigate play sessions with Monty, which is fun to watch. I had hoped that Wampa would have enjoyed both kitties, since both have easy-going personalities. But that wasn’t meant to be. When I was talking with my mom yesterday, we discussed Wampa’s passing & his heart issues & my mom said she thought he died of a broken heart. She meant well in suggesting that he had bonded with my 4 great-nieces & leaving them, especially after separating from our family at the farm, likely dealt a blow to his heart. While I understood what she was getting at, it really hurt my heart to think of that as a cause. I would have never have parted with him had I known he would be coming West only 10 months later. It’s not like I can change anything now, but it’ll be one of those regrets for which I don’t think I could ever forgive myself.

Even now, writing this, a leaden weight sits on my heart & tears sting my eyes, & I can only preserve myself by shifting away from those feelings.

So, I share these candid images, these precious moments, little wonders captured in quirky situations which reveal our personalities & close relationships. Furry family members have a special place in our hearts, impossible to replace or substitute. What reassures me is the evident love observed in such “slice of life” photos, genuine & authentic care seen in a gaze or a touch of the paw or even trusting eyes closed in repose.

Looking at & assembling these images, taking the time to arrange & study them, affords me a calming experience. Pleasant memories.

And when I see all of the affection & care in these images, I see what treasures of time I’ve been gifted by having these loving companions. Using the word “pet” doesn’t even approximate the bond I feel with my menagerie of a family. How can you explain that kind of love to people who don’t have pets, never have, never will, & can’t see the point of them? (Yes, I know people like this, & I’m at a loss. Some are even extended family members.) For me, my furry family is indispensable; they bring out in me my better attributes. I’m a better me.

Each snuggle, each curling up in the lap, each rub against the leg or face, each nudge of a paw or purr or nosing–these little gestures communicate such profound love to their human counterparts. And I’m so incredibly grateful.