One of the positive effects of the pandemic, & it doesn’t feel like there have been a bunch of those to note when all has been said & done, emerged as my work’s flexibility to allow for work-from-home options. When I was originally recruited for my current position at the higher ed institution at which I work, I was required to move from New Hampshire to Utah, which seemed a daunting prospect for someone who had lived the majority of her life in New England (other than a few summers abroad in England). The historic farm I loved, which dates back to 1789, would have to be packed up & let out for others to enjoy, as I embarked on a new journey that would propel my career forward. There really wasn’t any other choice at the time. I could remain and stagnate career-wise, or I could challenge myself to rise to the occasion, facing a cross-country adventure that would pay in dividends. Certainly, there were unforeseen, unexpected losses that would take place as a result–namely the passing of two beloved pets, Wampa & Mardigan–& that’s been tough to absorb in the aftermath. And, then, when COVID-19 hit, I had only been in Utah for roughly a year. Now, almost 2 1/2 years later (3 1/2 from the original move), I’m left to take stock of the huge impact on my personal life. Quarantining when you’re thousands of miles away from your family & friends really took its toll on someone who already had to cope with depression & anxiety.

Add to the monumental life shift of new parenthood late in my career & moving 2300+ miles away from home the impact of the pandemic, the experience of isolation & having no support network to help with my little had a major impact on me. The stress became compounded when my little was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), after extensive testing at the University of Utah (one if not THE finest center on ASD in the country), as I started to feel helpless & a crap mother most of the time. My career led me to become the primary breadwinner, & I suppose the guilt of not being a stay-at-home mom–you know, a Pinterest mom who can make animal-shaped food for her kids or bake goodies & chaperone school events–often makes me feel less than. Living in a condo during the pandemic instead of at the farm robbed me of perennial gardening as an outlet, as growing vegetation in Utah is practically impossible in containers, even with hydroponic (believe me, I tried) set-ups. This led to a more sedentary lifestyle, & let’s just say COVID-19 wasn’t kind to this gal’s physique. So, I’m now having to start over in terms of my personal & physical well-being, even though my career has been going great. That tends to be the way, & it’s one of the reasons why I’ve neglected my corporeal health for most of my adult life. But even when I was more athletic it came at the cost of my career. I’ve never been able to achieve balance.

Thankfully, my institution, boss, & leadership have made it possible for my return to New Hampshire. So, I’m currently in a liminal state of living with in-laws until the movers & cars arrive in New England. Yet, already, I’m feeling the benefits of extended family, a big yard, & just a sense of feeling “home”—a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee goes a long ways! I’m adjusting to a new time zone, & so much rains to be done once we actually make it to the farm; yet, projects have also been completed or in the process of being completed. The removal of widowmaker trees on the property (three large ones, a massive pine & two maples), & now the entire replacement of the decking at the house (two decks in front & a wrap-around in the back) with ornamental composite materials. All the house trim will also be replaced, so there should be a sense of progress upon homecoming.

Another help, even though a costly one, took the form of the movers who swiftly packed up all worldly belongings onto a truck to come back East. The trick is to wait out the 1-2 weeks it takes to drive everything across the country to then be unpacked & inventoried at the farm.

All in all, things have been running smoothly, & soon we will be back in the farmhouse, taking stock of furniture needs, necessary upgrades, eventual weeding & planting in the gardens, as we restore life at Hillcrest Farm once again. The grape arbor collapsed & needs to be replaced, & I’ve yet to see how many fruit trees survived in the orchard & whether the weeping willow managed to cling to life. With the removal of three mature trees, most of our shade gardens will now receive considerably more sunlight during the summer days, so new plants will be required in newly updated beds. Yet, Rome wasn’t built in a day, & so I’ll have to accept that things will get done one day at a time, day by day, step by step, little by little. And that’s okay.

The first steps of the journey have been taken, & that’s a big deal in & of itself. The rest will come.