As part of my growth journey, I recently was assigned a career mentor at WGU, the venerated president of a new division & one with great longevity with the organization. He’s quite astute & can challenge me to take a hard look at myself, which I see as a good thing. As of late, I’ve noticed with heightened awareness that I tend to talk rapidly when anxious or when trying to make a strong impression as someone knowledgeable, someone who has something important to say.

Certainly, my being the youngest of six children with four older brothers & a military dad didn’t really help me feel heard. I also wasn’t a planned child, significantly younger than my siblings.

One insight shared recently was broken to me quite adroitly, likely to spare my feelings if I weren’t picking up on the veiled message. “I often find with smart people, at least from my observations, that they tend to run with something that was said in their minds, moving it to a related topic but just enough off-subject so as to change the course of the conversation… Often because their mind has run off on its own, & they stop listening & instead shift the conversation to their ideas.”

Immediately, in my gut, I knew I was such an offender in group discussions. I cringed.

” Oh my God, I do that.” He smiled & replied, “Oh yes, I know. I’ve been present to see you do it.” And then he again tried to emphasize that smart people do this, but I disagreed. “Actually, I think it’s quite the opposite. I have a hard time in conversations following things out loud, which is why I take a lot of notes. When I’ve done this, changed a conversational topic to a related tangent, I think I might be steering it towards something less complicated for me in my mind.” He seemed surprised & said he hadn’t thought about that possibility.

Truth can often hurt to hear, but we do grow the most from being willing to hear candid feedback.

So I’ve been thinking about how I speak & listen to others around me. Why do I need to speak up so often? People often compliment me on my ideas or contributions afterwards without prompting, but I also know that there’s an equal measure of those who’d prefer to hear me less. I should be at a place in my life, age-wise & career-wise, where I can feel content enough to listen. Authentically listen.

Working through my anxiety will require me to talk less & focus on the words of others around me.