Making time for mental health & happiness seems like common sense. As someone who taught at a therapeutic boarding schools for at-risk teens, I have been long familiar with meditative exercises & coping strategies for deescalating those experiencing anxiety or overwhelming emotions. Mindfulness activities like eating a strawberry & focusing on every aspect of it, moving through each of the senses in order to remain present & in the now. Planting bare feet on grass or the ground so as to connect to internal energy channeled into something bigger like the planet itself. In my head, I know these things. Yet, why is it that I can forget to engage in these activities for my own well-being?
As part of this journey of self-disruption, one of my goals has been to work on mindfulness, & this blog has become a great outlet.
Yesterday, I practiced a meditative activity, focusing on being somewhere that brings me great inner joy. These places are treasures to me–safe spaces for connecting to happiness, flow, calm. Without fail, these places are ones found in nature, in outdoor settings, whether by the ocean, in the woods, in the mountains, beside lakes, on islands, or in grassy fields. Wind is also a common element, gentle or gusty, briny or floral or spiced, warm & balmy or crisply cold. And I’ve been reflecting on why it is that I can forget to make time for incorporating even 5-10 minutes just for myself to connect to things that make me happy, things that give me comfort & solace.
One of my biggest struggles has been to allow myself to feel happy. And it’s been a challenge most of my life.
Certainly, I have plenty of reason to just feel happy. I’ve been given so many gifts in my life, traveling to places like Switzerland, England, Scotland, Italy, Hawaii, the Bahamas, & the Mexican Yucatan. And I could enumerate the number of things for which I should & am grateful, but contentment still often eludes me. Others looking at me & my life path will say nice things, & yet I shrug it off, discounting what is said. Not out of a lack of faith or not valuing their positive feedback but rather because I feel uncomfortable. And yet that reaction can be a false one because I still crave verbal validation or the markers of success, so much so that it’s led to my being a people pleaser at times.
In moments of clarity, I can see these patterns of mine, & yet actually changing my behavior can seem impossible.
This is where Whitney Johnson’s concept of self-disruption has yielded the most truth for me in my life. We can only effect lasting change in our lives incrementally. When we look at a goal, it can seem impossible from the outset. Like Frodo tasked with returning the One Ring to Mordor or crew trying to trying to shift a huge cruise ship’s direction speedily, certain things can only be accomplished one bit at a time, through nudges & little pushes that over time can create that massive change. As Lao Tzu is often quoted, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” So, why is it that we can struggle so much with taking that first step?
How is it that we can forget the common sense things tied to self-care & apply them to ourselves? Or, maybe, it’s just me?
And so, I’m trying to make time to listen to guided meditations. Focus on my breathing. Connect to the sensory experiences that surround me & can bring me joy, even if only in my imagination. In that dreamy space in our minds, we can clear out the frenzied thoughts anxiety incites & instead reward ourselves with the gift of calm. As mentioned in my blog post from yesterday, I need to draw upon that energy that creates connections to the external world. In my mind, I can revisit places that give me a sense of “home.” In my mind, I can connect with those whom I love most dear, regardless of space or time.
What a gift to give myself. If I allow myself to divert my attention away from the “what ifs” & the “whys” of fear, pain, loss, hurt, then I can finally allow myself the self-love necessary to find in order to allow others to care about & love me. That’s the work. That’s the bigger picture, here. And it will take many, many steps.
As I was reading this post I felt you were describing me.. with no sense of content, a certain need for a validation from others… that’s me.. it was as though seeing myself in a mirror..
Me, too! I find daily gratitude lists to I’ll be a game changer.
So beautiful, from one IFNJ to another..we are 2%my darling of the entire world….to feel everything I have learned , for me anyways is an accepting sadness and unhappiness is simply a space to embrace and not resist, it’s in the surrender of non expectation, the accpetance that it’s who we are, it’s the beauty we hold to such depth and hold so loyalty and true to hold such loving spaces for others and surrending to the gift of depth. Your writing would not hold such knowledge without such pain and sadness…with pain and sadness there will be an equal joy in surrender that we are a vessel placed specifically by God with a perfect blueprint to reach places of empathy qnd sympathy and kindness and love that no one else can. Riding the rainbow and hanging from stars and crying to the moon and embracing solitude is where vulnerability to God is most heard. We hear more of Grace in those tight spaces, where brokenness and isolation are where lonliness and sadness seep, we feel deep and it’s where no disruptions are and Gods voice is carried within us so far we can hear more. That’s where I have been taken in my sadness and I like you have much to be grateful for!
Such a beautiful and moving response. Thank you so much for sharing, and I totally agree that God has a plan & that He’s the one who gives my life meaning. I can frame my writing to be accessible to those yet to discover that meaning for themselves by using using universal concepts common to most belief systems & faiths. That something bigger. That cosmic purpose. However people define or experience it. But, yes, for me I do connect to God & faith. You write quite beautiful words, so thank you for your kindness and support. 🙌🏻