Utah continues to surprise me with its incredible variety of landscapes & natural wonders. I used to think New Hampshire stood out as a visually complex state due to its possessing lakes, mountains, & ocean all within easy distance of each other–so that one could visit whatever caught their fancy on a particular day. Yet, as you might be able to tell from the blog posts I’ve written since relocating to the West, Utah presents a panoply of unique settings–from red rock cliffs & stratified layers of fossilized sediment in canyons, expansive salt flats stretching out to the horizon where blue sky meets bone-colored salt, mountainous with coniferous terrain & clear glacial lakes, to even the wide open spaces of rich farmland with hills dotting the horizon. (And I haven’t even ventured to Bryce Canyon yet to visit the hoodoos, something which I’m quite excited to see!)

The rolling farms with rusting steel silos & red-roofed barns surprised me, along with acres & acres of golden & amber cornfields, as we drove to the Golden Spike National Park.

The land seemed to mimic some of what I observed on Antelope Island, with those tawny hills & rocky ledge peaking out as a backdrop. I should have figured that corn would be popular to grow here, since lately we’ve been eating some amazing corn on the cob. But, then, commercially grown corn isn’t edible without processing it anyway, so the corn I likely saw (as seen above) wasn’t the sugar-and-butter variety (which is a tasty summer treat). Rather, cows roamed across fields, & rolls of bundled hay sat out in piles or bundles, bound in cylinders or in rectangular bales–sights I’d expect of the midwest, as in Iowa or Indiana. Places where corn mazes are a thing & machinery punctuates the fields.

This kind of landscape seems so polarized from the canyons or mountains or salt flats.

Upon reflection, I find that the landscapes of Utah differ so greatly, region to region, that it often feels like the state is a chameleon always shifting & changing in color–& that’s not even counting the effects that varying weather conditions can also cause. Really, I had absolutely no clue as to how beautiful Utah was before coming here. Sure, I had some former students who’d post pictures of Utah on their Instagram feeds, so I did know that there were beautiful sights to see. Yet, I thought those had to always be specifically sought out, as one would seek them out in New England. In New England, where you work often isn’t pretty to look at. Most business parks & complexes sit in urban flat places full of eyesores. The places that are prettiest instead are tourist attractions, where the industry is truly seasonal, in service of those wealthy enough to vacation there. You don’t tend to find lucrative jobs or professional careers easily in New Hampshire. And when you do, those jobs are largely located in Manchester, Nashua, Salem, or southern cities that remain nondescript & rather featureless. This causes a notable separation between those who get to enjoy the beauty of the lakes, for example, & those employed to support those who get to vacation there.

That’s not an insult to NH, as I love the state & I appreciate all of the beauty offers. My main point is that you need to seek those visually pleasing places out, as jobs are typically anchored to a few cities, so it’s rare to work somewhere that has great views (this comes from working there most of my life in different capacities & roles).

Here in Utah, I continually sit in awe of the natural wonders that surround me quite literally. From a recent blog post, you can see my office window at work & the expansive view it offers. Each & every single day, there’s majestic beauty to observe. There’s so much to explore, & it feels like tremendous privilege to be able to work somewhere that offers such stunning views. So many jaw-dropping, mind-blowing vistas–almost like out of a dream or fantastical setting. So many gems of Nature remain to be seen & explored that it can feel daunting, like I want to make the most of time in seeing them all. This was a big motivator for moving here, to see much of the beauty of the West.

Utah is definitely living up to its reputation & even exceeding it.

The beauty of nature provides my heart & head with a great distraction. I’ve needed this recently in the face of loss, which I hate actually feeling. I’ve been having my share of tears & discomfort in experiencing emotions instead of pushing them down & numbing myself. This is why I think I’ve been making strides in my personal & professional life. And this blog has been a big help–sharing things with people instead of clamming up & pretending like everything is fine all of the time. I’ve gotten pretty good at that kind of play-acting, but it works against me in the long run. I wind up feeling even more lonely & estranged from life, which means that those around me don’t get the best version of me. Living with authenticity means I have to get real with myself. (As Poppy in Trolls would say, “Okay, everyone… I’d like to take this moment… & get a little real.”) I can’t run away from myself. Wherever I am, there I am.

In feeling my feelings, I find the world takes on color & meaning, so my challenge is allowing for those risks in life, love, feeling.

The more that I can do to remind myself of that something bigger that exists, of that something eternal that I feel–then I can place things into perspective. What feels like forever is really nothing in the scheme of time itself–immeasurable & infinite. So, why is it that time feels like it slows down when life gets hard? And happiness feels so fleeting, speeding by. There’s the paradox. It just doesn’t feel fair. And I feel a double-consciousness much of the time. The me that functions in the here & now, making the best of the life I have & trying to leave situations better than when I first met them. But then there is that other me which operates on a different scale of time & being. Maybe that’s an introvert thing–contemplating the ontological complexities of self? Interiority that can sit at odds with what others observe on the exterior? Too many questions surface in my mind, & I find myself trying to puzzle it all out.

Yet, in Nature I find myself, over & over again. I’m grateful that Utah has so much to offer me in this regard, as it’s created a journey of healing for me. More to come, but it’s a firm commitment on my part to do the work & arrive at a more profound understanding.