Do We Distort Our Memories?

For those nostalgic introverts who have experienced personal loss, there is a question that can often rise to the surface of the mind: Are my memories distorted? I mean, criminal investigators have shown how the power of suggestion can cause people to believe they have memories that actually never occurred, especially when the gap of time since the event progresses to months & years. Over very long periods of time, recall can erode, but in such an insidious, almost indiscernible way that the rememberers have no clue that the events or persons they are calling up in their minds were ever real at all, or that they were actually in reality what they seemed in retrospect. The rememberers have no reason to doubt the validity of memory, & they can even become defensive or adamant when challenged.

If you’ve ever seen the Woody Allen film Midnight in Paris, then you know that a major theme that drives the story is that of remembering or even idealizing times long past. And this is also why psychologists have an ethical duty to not suggest or shape a client’s memories during cognitive behavioral therapy. Ethical concerns arise.

On a the note of idealization of the past, as Allen’s film investigates, the central character, the protagonist, purports to another character but also to the audience, “Nostalgia is denial – denial of the painful present… the name for this denial is golden age thinking – the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one ones living in – it’s a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.” This tidbit of wisdom has remained with me ever since first watching the film, especially given my background in new historicist approaches to literary interpretation of novels I enjoy. I know that I am prone to romanticizing past periods in terms of history, just as I can do with my own (fairly recent, given the continuum) past. For example, when women pine over wanting to live in the time of Jane Austen & her character Mr. Darcy, seldom does they think about all of the horrible limitations that would have been placed on them simply due to gender–like not being able to inherit property, being unable to vote, not having a career for their own independence.

Rather, the fashion & architecture of the Regency wins out & dreams of a wealthy savior with a massive estate can sweep many modern women readers off of their feet without a thought given to the reality of that past, a time when liberties & rights would have been cripplingly curtailed for those same women were they living then.

And, so, I find this can even apply to my own past, my own memories. Do I remember my father’s voice accurately? Do I romanticize memories with my brother? Were things really as positive as I’d wish they would have been growing up as the youngest of six kids with older, tired parents? As much as I’d like to think my memory is infallible, the reality is that I look back through rosy-colored glasses, preferring to think that things were better than they were. Some things have been blocked out of my memory entirely–a strange thing when my recall is incredibly strong in the academic sense, serving me exceedingly well re: testing & exams. I guess this is where the postmodern deconstructionist enters stage right to let me know that all truth is an unstable construct, an unreliable set of perceptions that challenge each other. What I’d like to think of as real has actually been distorted as an illusion or set of illusions with competing influences.

And, so, I have no answers. Just these questions, which make me reconsider the people & events I remember with a certain level of skepticism. Does time truly heal all wounds, or do we simply forget or stop recalling the things that once hurt us? Did we ever know those things in the past the way we’d like to fondly remember them now? For introverts who live so much in introspection, so deep within their minds, these questions can cause perturbation, as many of us would prefer to believe those happier versions of “truths.”

5 thoughts on “Do We Distort Our Memories?

  1. I will have to say, that with a very good memory as I have, time never heals wounds, since I remember things as harsh today as when I experienced them. I also have a vivid imagination so sometimes I am not sure if I perhaps dreamed something that now feels real.

  2. Our memories tend to grow with us. History changes all the time. It is from the frame of mind of the ‘now’ that your mind ‘rewrites’ the memory. You are in power how you see these past events and that is – in my opinion – what therapy is all about. Like you said, there is the ethical code not to ask suggestive questions. But I do understand the question, what is real or not? It can be a devestating journey but it shapes us in the ‘now’. The mind is something wonderfull!

  3. Such an interesting post with beautiful artwork. For me personally I prefer to look back with good memories because I have found that acceptance and forgiveness of myself and others is the way forward and I feel blessed to be alive ❤️

  4. Thank you for your well expressed post and included photos. It did provoke my thoughts. I have experienced acceptance looking back at traumatic health memories and perspective at how they influenced my character, values, perspective, and interactions.

    Looking back I remember less daily events than the bumps and peaks along the journey.

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