You know, it’s kind of funny in a way that I find myself at Western Governors University, given that our institutional mascot is the night owl. As you may have read from a much, much earlier blog entry, I have a thing for owls & always have. From Winnie the Pooh & Owl to Louisa May Alcott’s childhood association & nickname as the Owl & even Squirrel Nutkin’s taunting an owl, I’ve long found my personality is not all that unlike an owl. I think that may be why many introverts harbor & affection for owls. Such revered birds are solitary birds who study & use prudence, prefer to observe & keep a distance, & demonstrate skill in strategy & survival in hunting prey. Nocturnal, owls remain awake at night when other animals slumber, & their range of vision & ability to see across long distances make them formidable predators. These traits are innate, inherited, imprinted on what in humans would be considered the basal ganglia or what is often termed the “lizard brain.” It’s worth noting how introverts & extroverts & their brains differ, in that these differences account for why some prefer to be solitary & become easily overwhelmed by crowds & vice-versa.

If you want to read more about such brain differences, check this article out. But my main point for this blog entry will largely be my ongoing issues with insomnia, whether it’s just part of being a night owl or if my lack of sleep stems from anxiety or stress management.

Perhaps my being a night owl worsened when I became a college student? Prior to college, my mother would grow infuriated with me & my patterns of procrastination which necessitated staying up at night to complete pending assignments for looming deadlines. My performance on those assignments would undermine my mother’s argument that I needed to manage my time better & go to bed early like Ben Franklin’s wisdom recommended (“Early to bed & early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, & wise”). Mom, being from good Yankee farmgirl stock, would judge my lack of syncing up with her circadian rhythms as a failing on her part as my mother & a moral disappointment on my end. So, staying up late sparked some guilt on my part, but I really couldn’t disregard my body’s natural clock. Once college came around, those late night habits were reinforced by second-shift work schedules when I was a full-time student. After an 8.5 hour shift in a factory that got out at 12:30 am, I needed to unwind further so I would watch TV or movies–largely period films.

So you could say that in undergrad certain patterns of sleep started to calcify for my body & routine.

In grad school, this didn’t really change much. Anyone who’s been in a doctoral program & taught as a TA will know that coffee & chai power many, many long nights of research & writing. I would pride myself on my ability to pull “all-nighters” with relatively little effect on my body (or at least I thought). As an introvert, I enjoyed those long quiet nights of isolation, digging into books & new insights as an English major. My greatest Clifton strengths include learner, focus, intellection, & strategic, so I tend to work best on my own, almost cloistered away. The wee small hours of the morning tend to offer the quiet & isolation introverts enjoy, but then that can cross over into overdoing it–especially when stress & anxiety start to kick in (often effects of being overtired).

As a Libra, I struggle with balance. How do I weigh my preference for that quiet & alone time the late/early hours provide with my need for functioning during the day, having energy & taking care of my physical health?

Now in my 40s as a career mom, I certainly can’t pull all-nighters like I once could in my 20s. This older body feels it. Even when the little one was born, those first 8 months I virtually didn’t sleep while working in a higher-level career position & that was a very very tough time for me both mentally & emotionally. This time of year exacerbated my need to remain aware of my need for socializing (despite preferring being on my own), given the shorter days & aftermath of the busy holiday season. There’s a cost.

Admittedly, I haven’t really figured it all out, but writing about it here helps. My writing holds me accountable, & just maybe my experiences might resonate with others & propel me towards more self-discovery. That’s the hope anyway.