There’s a paradox related to travel that perplexes me as an introvert. On the one hand, I absolutely love travel. I really do love it. I love seeing new places, trying new things, feeling like I’m on my own in the midst of a chaotic world & the confidence that springs from self-reliance. For this post, I’ll be focusing mainly on public transportation in regard to planes, trains (subways included), & buses. Even though I had extensive experience traveling on the T out of Boston as a kid (commuter trains, subways, buses), I didn’t fly on a plane until I was 22 years old & heading to Oxford, England, for a summer abroad. I didn’t know anyone. I’d never been on a plane or out of the country, & here I was needing to get myself to Heathrow, then a bus to Oxford, & then to Trinity College. Me, the fairly sheltered NH girl who lived in books & had stayed close to home, one who relished routine & safe spaces with my family. I wasn’t what my mom would call “gutsy.” To boot, my father had just been diagnosed with cancer, so I was ready to cancel all of the plans. But Dad wouldn’t let me.

And, so, I took the plunge. A deep breath. The excitement of England awaited me as a kind of escape from everything , so I pushed down my anxiety & took the risk.

Probably one of the biggest challenges I faced took the form of the throngs of people through whom I’d need to maneuver–in the airport, the bus station, the subway, the train. As readers know from other posts, I’m not great at that thing called small talk. Chit-chat really isn’t my bag, baby, & yet I felt required (& often feel required) to be friendly, polite, in social interactions. Good manners & all that & not shaming my mother by being rude & too aloof. That’s a misconception people have about introverts–that we don’t like people or don’t want to be social. It’s more to the point to say we feel drained by a lot of interaction & often don’t know how to excuse ourselves or avoid too much of it without seeming snobbish or judgmental. For example, people often thought Edith Wharton aloof, snobby, feeling herself above others in society. Yet, like Mr. Darcy, many introverts “don’t have the talent… of conversing easily with those… never seen before.” Unfortunately, that social clumsiness is often misread.

Anxiety also adds a layer of awkwardness that often pains the introvert, & it increases exponentially as the interaction lengthens. Self-doubt & embarrassment heightens.

Given that massive energy drain introverts feel when around large groups of people, the main things that make that siphoning of energy worthwhile (or at least for this introvert) in public travel include the payoff of an amazing destination, some notable professional advancement, the promise of seeing family & friends, or any kind of emergency situation. The amazing destination is the preferred motivation for me, admittedly. England remains a perennial favorite. And the tools you might easily see the introvert using to avoid those awkward interactions can range from ear buds & smartphones to books & journals (with pen readily available for writing or drawing). When in England, I’d often have both always with me when studying abroad at Oxford (Trinity) & Cambridge (Gonville & Caius), & whenever I was on a bus I’d have my earbuds in, listening to favorite music. As a result, there are a number of songs I will forever associate with England & summertime. When I hear those songs, I feel transported to that earlier time, that happy place. I could tune out the ambient noise quite literally, creating a safety barrier of sorts.

Finding myself within throngs of people, those kinds of imagined safety barriers become critical for self-preservation. There’s a physical drain that occurs simply from being in the presence of huge groups of people, especially in cramped spaces. My body simply can’t take it well, personally. My nervous energy builds & builds, & it’s like an internal scream for personal space, for being alone & away from the madding crowd. I can even feel this way in grocery stores if it’s around a holiday or on a weekend when the store is packed with people. All of that hustle & bustle in stations & airports acts as a kind of price paid for admission to wonderful travel events. That business can overstimulate & overwhelm the already sensitive & active mind of the introvert.

In January (when I first drafted this blog post), I faced three upcoming trips–one to Florida in February (which was taken), one to Chicago in March (when was made virtual, due to the pandemic), & one to Oxford, England in April (again cancelled, made virtual)–so I felt like I would have to brace myself & rest up in advance! Yet, now, with a post-COVID-19 world all travel has seemed to cease, especially air travel. This summer, I wasn’t able to fly back home to the Northeast like I normally would, & family hasn’t been able to fly out here to Utah for a visit. That’s really affected me more than I thought it would, emotionally & even physically. It’s as if I need to travel, move around, see the world–& yet, we have to be safe with a pandemic that’s now infected over 6M people & claimed over 183,000+ lives (as of today). Car & local travel (with cautionary measures) seem to be the only options if one wants to remain safe now.

Thankfully, there’s an upcoming local trip booked (by car, with social distancing) to Moab for the end of September, so I’ll get to see both The Arches National Park & Canyonlands National Park. Lodging will be at a ranch that sits on the Colorado River with wide expansive views of rock formations over the rushing water, with horses milling about on the pastures that surround the main buildings. Spoiled by last year’s trip to The Grand Teton National Park & Yellowstone National Park, I’m excited to check another two national parks off of my list while living out here. I suspect I’ll be taking LOTS of pictures & blogging about the stay–so that will be coming in September! I’ll make up for the dearth of blog entries from August! Promise.