Spectacular Utah sunset. 

As I reflect on the goals of this writing exercise of disrupting myself, I can proudly say moving from New Hampshire to Utah was such an act of brave disruption. As Whitney Johnson explains, when you reach the top of that S-curve, you begin to feel complacent, bored, numbed by routine. That location on the curve can only hold your attention for so long. And that had started to happen me. My StrengthsFinder test lists my top 5 strengths as 1) Learner, 2) Focus, 3) Intellection, 4) Relator, & 5) Strategic. The first or greatest strength I have means I love to learn, just for the sake of learning something new. My brain has to be engaged & challenged or I grow bored. Three of those 5 are in 1 domain of 4 tied to Strategy. All this to say my brain requires a lot of problem-solving.

This makes a lot of sense, given that I prefer to be a builder, architect, an innovator. I’m just not the person to just run the day-to-day routine ops; rather, I’m the one seeking beyond the horizon, to iterate & anticipate the future.

New landscape & horizons.

What complicates this strength would be my innate introversion & anxiety. Finding myself at the bottom of a brand new S-curve & in an entirely new higher ed institution means I have to start all over again, but without all of the longtime family and friend support developed back in New England. But this is a good challenge, a healthy challenge, one that forces me to flex & stretch in new ways. I’ve been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, quite candidly, & that mission along with gratitude can push me to help as many students as I can, to fulfill a larger life mission.

Developing into a executive leader in higher education requires that I need to mature in many certain ways, to develop a certain presence, a cultivated reticence, a high level of confidence. Yet, I don’t ever want to lose my accessibility, my authenticity, my real voice & vulnerability that make me ME.

These photos were all taken of the same sunset, last evening. 

And so I’ll have to be okay with criticism going forward that I may be too open about anxiety as a woman professional in higher ed leadership; yet, if I can give hope to others, show that they can lead fruitful lives of career success if they manage & treat mental health challenges (which can be hereditary & mostly are), then this will be this biggest gift I think I can give. We need to destigmatize mental health struggles. We’ve lost too many brilliant bright lights of the world, geniuses whose sensitivity gave them incredible vision but at too high a price.

Hopefully, my writing will speak to others, especially during the darkest months of winter when we all need the warmth of the sun the most. If we slow down & reflect on the brilliance of what’s yet to come, we can see that dazzling horizon as a promise of a new day, another chance to get it right. And that to me is worth it.