When I think about change, there’s a need to evolve, to adapt, to grow into something new. Naturally, change brings about sadness for what you’re losing, even as you gain something new. A new opportunity, a new chance, a fresh start. Lately, it’s been a crazy time. Mercury in Retrograde in Pisces, along with a full moon, has created chaos. I can look around me & I can easily see people dazed, as if walking in a trance, trying to absorb the weirdness of this period. There’s definitely a feeling of being unsettled, uncomfortable, agitated. Just more friction than necessary, & tremendous shifts that shake the firmament of what was thought sound & stable.

And the world isn’t slowing down. Moore’s law of the speed of technological advancement only predicts more change, but at an incrementally faster pace. We can witness this just by looking at smartphones & mobile technology. By the time you get the latest thing, something newer, faster, better comes out. As humans in an increasingly more digital world, surrounded by things that are challenging our beliefs in what constitutes consciousness & being, we have to examine things about ourselves that make us feel unnerved. It’s like the concept of the uncanny, where a familiar environment is recognizable enough to appear recognizable but just enough “off” that eeriness ensues.

As I continue to face major changes, I realize that I need every tool I can acquire to help me navigate these new rapids of transformation. Unfortunately, perfectionism works against feeling comfortable with not being a master at something yet. And yet… What do I really want? Some things look great on paper or even in a cult of personality that worships images of success. I just watched the HBO documentary on Elizabeth Holmes, “The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley,” & I’m genuinely haunted by her unwavering focus on proving herself right, even to the point of deception & fraud on an unimaginable scale. She starts out with noble ideals, speaking of her uncle who died of cancer & the moral obligation to provide better access to testing to detect, diagnose, & treat illness to save lives. By the end of things, she goes to extreme measure to hide medical failures in testing that could kill people by misleading them to think they are healthy when they aren’t.

When we create or invent, we have to evolve to inevitable change. Things become disrupted. That’s what this blog has been about recently… My own disruption of self, taking inventory of the things that I’ve taken for granted or just do in a routine without thinking about why. Sure, I can set goal after goal, worry about what others think about my ambition or success. But even if I keep advancing, will that make me happy? Look at the icons of success who have become dethroned. I think, “There but for the grace of God goeth I.” How easy is it to fall into the trap of hubris. This goes back even to ancient Greece, when Odysseus vainly boasts of his success in winning the Trojan War without crediting Poseidon, committing the sin of hubris. And of course Poseidon retaliates.

Transformation doesn’t have to be a bad thing, of course. An interpretation of Darwin has suggested that it’s not the most intelligent or strongest who survive but rather the ones who are able to adapt to new environments. Change is a constant, an inevitability. But we need to reflect on how we are changing & adapting to a new world, or even success. Success has caused so many celebrity deaths either by suicide or accidental death by substance abuse. So that should cause us all to think quite deeply about what it is we really want from life. Is success the endgame? Or is genuine happiness & contentment? And what are we willing to sacrifice to attain the bigger, better, faster new?